For most of my life, whenever someone asked me how many siblings I had, I would tell them I had one younger sister. Within the past year or so, I realized I wasn't telling the whole truth. I do have one younger sister, but I also have three older sisters. I had just forgotten to mention them because I've never met them. In fact, I have never seen their faces.
How is it possible for me to go my whole life without meeting most of my siblings? The answer is simple: they are no longer living. In the twelve years between their wedding vows and my birth, my parents had three miscarriages, all of whom were girls.
It is strange that even in Christian communities, we often fail to remember those lost in miscarriages. This past weekend I went to a pro-life event, and several of the speakers commented on how miscarriage is a forgotten topic in today's conversation about unborn life. Perhaps the mothers and fathers who have miscarried don't want to speak about the tragic event themselves, which is understandable. However, we should all remember - especially if we call ourselves pro-life - that a miscarriage isn't the loss of a pregnancy; it's the loss of a child. Though that small person may never have drawn a breath, they were nonetheless just as human as we are.
My mother no longer grieves as she once did over the loss of my sisters, and I want to reflect on why she was able to heal. My birth certainly brought great joy to her and my father, but I would be lying to say that I brought restoration to her soul. She has told me several times how she learned to trust God with her losses and have the hope that whatever He had for her, child or no child, would the best thing she could possibly have. Trusting in Him, the Giver of life and Conqueror of death, gave her peace and joy.
I was not there to experience the loss of my three older sisters, and as someone who has never experienced pregnancy or miscarriage, I cannot speak to the pain of someone suffering. I can only encourage you, if you have experienced such loss, to know that your grief is real and felt by many with similar circumstances. If you are the friend of someone who has lost a child, remember that your friend has lost a member of their family. Ultimately, healing can only come from hoping and trusting in the goodness of our heavenly Father.
Image Credit: Jesse Bridgewater from Pixabay